Counting Down

It is Thursday and after today I have one more day here with one more bag of Chemo. Sad that I am measuring my day and time with how many bags of chemo I have left. But I guess it is just part of the beast. The count down from the day you start till the day it is over. I do feel very fortunate that my treatment is only 5 weeks. So many that have come before me have had to endure so much more.

There is a beautiful view out my window and I am looking forward to a visitor this afternoon. These are the things I dwell on, not the smells and sounds coming from a hospital room. Since I am basically tethered to the IV machine I basically have a very small world.

Amy (Keith's girlfriend) came after lunch bearing gifts. Besides the great company she brought a bouquet of strawberries covered in chocolate. Since my appetite is doing just fine for the most part, I am excited for this treat. She also has great news. She was accepted to the nursing program and will start at the first of the year. Yeah for Amy. She has been working towards this for a long time and will no doubt make an excellent nurse.

Ross also makes his daily visit. I ordered several extra items for dinner so we could share a meal together. Even though it is hospital food (and actually pretty good) I pretend we are just having a picnic on the boat. Much more fun.

I did get in some reading from Eat Pray Love. It is an easy read and I am enjoying her journey.

A day of celebration

Had to put a picture in here today so Tucker made the cut. Such a handsome fellow. He is so handsome and keeping an eye on the house while I am not there. It will be so good to see him and Sport and just be home

It's Ross's birthday. Happy Birthday Baby!!!! He calls me every morning on his way to work. Remember it is around 5:30 Am and sometimes I am not quite awake like this morning. So his birthday wish from me was a couple of hours later when I cam to my senses (I know when is that) and his day was in full force. We did make plans for our evening meal. He was picking up a pizza from our new found love of a pizza parlor just down from the road. I ordered a chef salad, angle food cake and pudding and a soda to fill in the gaps. He actually arrived pretty early and so we had a great time. This is the hight point of my day.

The morning was pretty much the same. They did change a medication to settle my stomach, which is a very good thing. Because if I can keep that under control I am a very happy camper.

Keith stopped by since his day was short do to the weather. We had good visit. Played some games. He adjusted my thermostat so he was comfortable while he was there but it got a little chilly at night here.

Received a call from Amy. Keith's girlfriend, and she just found out she was accepted in the nursing class she will begin in the fall at IRSC. Yeah. How exciting. Congratulations Amy You are going to such an awesome nurse.

I was able to read some today and hang out in my beautiful scenic view. It does such wonders for your spirit.

I have received beautiful flowers, notes and letters from my dear friends and family. They mean so much to me. Knowing you are all out there sending powerful positive messages I am sooooo appreciative and beyond words. I love each and everyone of you.

What a difference a day makes

It is amazing what everyday brings to you after a nights sleep. Each day is so different. Looks like a storm is rolling in and may bring us some rainy weather which our trees and flowers and grass will appreciate. My outlook is rejuvenated from a good nights sleep and I think this day will be calmer and more on an even pace and routine for the month to come.

I woke feeling hungry. That is a good sign so I called up for my breakfast. They give you a great menu to pick from and is delivered in a very timely manner. I requested to take a shower. Always a good thing for the soul. After a clean face and clean teeth I am ready to go. Go where I am not sure but I am ready. My big event of the day is to be wheeled in my carriage by my angle Jerry down to the radiation department for that treatment. We skim the halls, up and down the elevators with precise turns and great conversation along the ways. Treatment is accomplished in less than few minutes and then my carriage awaits with my prince to take me back to my castle room with my great view of the river. What more could a gal ask for.


My gift of the day was a crossword puzzle book. I have such a busy schedule I hope I can find some time to do some mental exercises. My mind is getting a little mushy so this might be just what the doctor ordered.

I am busy talking on the phone, answering emails and updating info on Facebook. In between times I am reading the book Eat Pray Love and bogging on here, It is wonderful to have all these distractions and feel connected to the outside world.

Ross visited after work. We caught up for the day. The storm was finally rolling in and he was tired. So after a great conversation on the day and a list of things he needed to bring me, he was off to settle in at home and take care of the pups and get a good night sleep. It is hard on caretakers going thru this. We have to remember they need our love and support also. Our marriage is a great relationship and even when one of us is down right now the other has always been there for the other one to keep things going. The care takers need lots of love and support also. It isn't easy. So the big guy needs hugs and kisses and lots of support. He is my love and my rock.


I had another visitor tonight also. Billie treaded thru the water and rain just to come up and see me and bring me a goody bag filled with all good stuff. And her wonderful smile and grace. Great conversation to catch up on our families and great laughs. She has been a real support for me for such a long time. Just hope I can be as good as of a friend for her when ever she needs it. Ross and I always enjoy being with both Billie and John. We just never seems to find enough time as far as I am concerned to be together. Fire Mountain next year for sure. But boat show in January first.

Well Tuesday was a good day. Better mental health. Lots of love felt and strength given so I can endure this journey. I could't do this without the support from my wonderful family and great friends and of course the good lord above.

It's All About Me

Day One

Today I started my cancer treatment and my journey to a healthy life. Ross and I started with a visit to the radiation department at the hospital for my first radiation treatment. It was done in less than5 minutes and painless. Then a quick drive and visit with the oncologist to get admitting papers. And then another quick drive to hospital to be admitted. We are talking 30 second drives to all these places. I have a lovely single room overlooking the St. Lucie River with a private bathroom. My prayers were answered. Thank you Thank you!!! There is a time to share and then there is a time not to share. This is really one of those times I just don't want to share.

My first visitors arrived around 12:30 for lunch and packing many gifts. Joie my sister-in-law and Ross' mom Betsy never travel empty handed. Besides a delicious lunch there is a whole bag full of gifts to opened everyday, beautifully wrapped and a message card attached to each one, stating the day to be opened and a little message on the card also. So day One I was blessed with a beautiful angel plaque that is hanging in my room behind my bed letting me know that "Angels gather here" Love it Love it. I also received a book for my leisure time. What a wonderful idea and somehting to look forward every morning.

The purpose of this stay here in the hospital is to have some treatment so we got started with the chemo treatment. It it invokes putting a pick catheter line in. Without getting to technical they insert a tube in your upper arm in the blood vessel and it runs down close to your heart. This is used to administer the chemo treatment along with other medicines I receive throughout the day. They can also draw blood from here also avoiding all the needle sticks. Very comfortable. All the lines are connected to computers that they set to administer the medicine. I received two types this first day. One is just a push. Takes about 5 minutes where they push the meds through. The other one I get in 24 hour bags. I will have 4 when this is all done. I played my cancer song, "I will survive" for the nurses as this was being administered.

Ross visited again on his way home. He is such a good boy. I tossed him a few morsels of food that I had just so he can keep up his strength. Have to nourish and take care of the care taker. Need him so much. He is my rock and my strength.

By the time he left. It had been a long day and I was ready for my happy pill and crawl into bed.

My final thoughts of the day was about how I started this blog "It's all about me". Before my mother died in 2004 Carl bought my mother a book entitled "All about me". It was a very simple book to journal her thoughts. I had hoped that she would take some time in her last months to reflect and fill it out. I thought it was a great gift to journal her legacy to pass on. There were some details and stories but I was disappointed in the readings. It did not have much detail and not very deep thoughts in my mind, but this may be all she could do and I have to give her credit for as much as she did. I lesson that I took from this was to give more back to my family, my husband and children and their families. So I feel that this blog is the first step in this journey of recognizing who I am, putting my thoughts to paper and sharing these memories, not only to my immediate family, but extended family and dear friends. What a great support system I have in place and with their prayers and love and devotion I receive from them and God's will, I am going to come out of this on the other side stronger and healthier.

It's all about me but I need all of you to make me the best I can be. Love to each one of you.

Preparation Day

You would think that if it was Sunday we could sleep in. But no not at the Jacobson's. What happen to lose days? The boys are going fishing and the girls minus this old gal are going running. Amy and Danielle are running in the half marathon next weekend up at Disney. So they are running 10 miles this morning. After their prep and some breakfast of peanut butter and bananas, loaded with drinks and lots of determination - they are off. They had mapped out their scenic route to include some cool breezes if that is possible in Florida heat in the 80's

Carl, Keith and Ross got their fishing poles and loaded up the boat. The kids bought him a new reel for his birthday so they had to go out and see if it works. Don't ask me what kind. They all look the same to me. But he was impressed and very grateful. I am sure between him and Keith they have figured out which reel they are replacing it with. It seems to me there a ton of reels and rods in our garage but when I express that they always seem to have some need for it.

I had a day of baking some banana bread. I hate to throw those bananas out and the kids said they would take some home too. So I am able to share my wares with family and have some left over for later days.

I spent the rest of the day mentally and physically preparing for this next week's stay in the hospital to begin my cancer treatment. The day has finally come and I must say I am a little nervous about it all. But find comfort that I will be in the hospital where they can monitor it all. This first week I will receive chemo and radiation for the first 5 days. Then I will continue my radiation for the next 4 weeks as an out patient. I did find out that I could take my computer. Which will be my entertainment. I do have a book to read also. Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I have several people commissioned to read it at the same time including my wonderful and cute mother-in-law Miss Betsy. Thought it would be fun to share the story and the adventure. A book club via the internet. The modern world of technology. Any one is welcome to join. No membership fees.

The boys returned home with some success and the girls were able to struggle thru the heat and accomplish their 10 mile goal. The dogs got prepared for the next coming weeks by getting their baths. Nothing better than a good smelling dog except maybe a baby after their bath all clean and powdered. After they left and the house was quiet I had time to reflect on the weekend and count my many blessings. We had a great time visiting and have a wonderful family. Ross and I are surely blessed.

Divine Order

Like the ebb and flow of the tides, my life is balanced and in order. Though at times storms may arise and waves may crash against my shore.
- Daily Word

Saturday and the family is all home. Carl and Danielle and Bradley arrived last night and we are up and ready for breakfast. After some of Ross' eggs and bacon and other goodies we stayed around the breakfast table and had a great Jacobson discussion. Brings back many fond memories of other family gatherings minus the melon. We were enjoying each others company and great conversations. Keith even managed to get a point in once in awhile. This was mostly about the school system since we have 2 experts at the table and what we can do as citizens and our responsibilities. Of course it was political too. Can't have one of these without politics getting involved. But no one stormed out or left the room crying. That is a good thing.

Mail arrived with several cards. Ross did managed to squeak one from the pile that was his for his upcoming birthday. Ross' mom sent me the scripture from the daily word that was so perfect for today. I received a few others that were just as endearing. I believe I spoken about cards already in here so you know how I feel about them. Thank you all.

We planned an early birthday dinner for Ross since I will be a little detained next week. Amy will be here and an old dear friend to help us celebrate this auspicious occasion. So Keith got busy making the spaghetti sauce, I ran to the grocery store and Danielle went and had her hair cut at Amy's salon. Her school picture are this week and you have to look great for those photos. They hang around a long time. Even Tucker and Sport played nicely with Bradley. Business as usual. With the help from everyone we had a great evening. Dinner was terrific. Ross managed to blow out his candles with little effort. It was good to catch up with Gene's life and all of his "treasure finds" stories. Good times.

Danielle is involved in this years committee for planning and organizing the walk to cure cancer up in St Augustine. It is going to be held in April for 18 hours. So we are signed up as a team. I believe our official name for our team is the Walloping Wahines. Since I have anal cancer and the theme is tropical we thought we would have some fun with this. Look for more news about this as the date gets closer.

The day was Divine Order. Everything was wonderful. "My life is balanced and in order, and all is well."

The good person out of the good treasure of the heart produces good - Luke 6:45

I believe in Angels

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

Sarah McLauchlan

As I left the Cancer Center today this song came on and I thought gee I was just in the company of angels. As soon as you walk into this facility you can feel the warmth. It was built with angels and it is filled with angels. They have to be to do what they do and to be so compassionate. They have always treated me with dignity and respect. I was there to do a simulation. Without going into too many details it is basically getting me ready to have my radiation. They want the same position each time so the targets can be the same every time. While this is not difficult it is a little sensitive. The nurses, techs and doctors understand this and treated me in a manner that I was completely comfortable.

I am finding that there are so many good and generous people around me. I am overwhelmed by the love and concern that my friends and family have for me. I have always felt that there are lessons in everything we go thru and I was wondering from the onset of this what lessons I would be learning.

Lesson#1: Love is not always easy to accept. I must never take it for granted and know that I am worthy of receiving it.

Love to my family and friends

The Gift of Cards

I received a lovely card this week from a dear friend and got me thinking that we don't receive as many as we use to and I don't send as many as I use to either. Probably due to the fact I can call someone up and thank them or I can text them or contact them on Facebook. The technology is great but there is something very special about receiving a card.

I think about the person who is sending it had to go and pick it out. It takes Ross hours to do this but he loves to find the right one for someone and you can hear him all over the store laughing at them and having a grand old time. I could leave Ross there for an hour and know he was still there when I came back from shopping the entire store.

The sender also has to find your address, write the sentiment (which for me is the hardest), have a stamp and get it to the mail box. Besides the cost of cards and stamps these days, it takes an effort to do all this and I must admit I fall in that category of being lazy and it never happens.

But being on the side of the receiver, it brings such joy from a pretty simple and easy gesture. It doesn't seem to matter what the card or the sentiment says but knowing that someone was thinking about you and took the time to stop and put words to paper is such a treasure.

Ross' 92 year old mother is an amazing lady. We decided to stay at her house Saturday night to visit with her and spend the night. It was also more convenient to stay in West Palm Beach and not have to drive home after our Saturday night dinner with friends. We had a lovely afternoon sitting outside her apartment on the balcony. The wind was cool which is unusual this time of year in Florida. Ross and Mom had a cocktail and we had a great conversation. Catching up on things and telling old stories again.

Mom had been upset this past week because she just didn't know what to do to help me and Ross during this period. She was going to cook food and bring it up to the boys (Ross and Keith) while I was in the hospital. This was way too much for her and very unnecessary but very typical for her. Then I started thinking about the card I had received this week and I know she loves to write cards. So the perfect solution was to tell her if she wanted to help that she can send me lots of cards, filled with lots of love and prayers.

The best gift.

Friendship

"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Saturday night, Ross and I met a girlfriend of mine. Kathy and I went to grade school and high school together and roomed together for a couple of years. We had dinner with Kathy and her husband Ryan for dinner and had about 4 hours to cram 27 years of catching up into it before they left for their cruise in Ft Lauderdale. . So I hope I wasn't too stupid or any more stupid than I usually am.

Of course there has been some stupid things Kathy and I did that I think should just remain in the history books. She seemed to always pull me in a direction that usually wasn't my regular path. One night I remember well and very significant for me was when she decided to fix me up on a blind date. She had met a guy at the "Bulldog" a local bar named after Butler University Bulldogs. This guy had a friend and Kathy had a friend so why not fix us up. When I asked Kathy a few minor questions, there seemed to be a few missing details. And then she informed me that they were not picking us up (in those days that was a real no no in my book). We were going over there to an address unknown. Hmmm.... Seemed suspicious to me but I went along with it anyway but by the time we arrived I was more than a little miffed. Maybe because Kathy had to knock on the doors of several houses asking for a name she wasn't sure was first or last. Oh did I mention they said they would turn their "red" porch light on. Which never happened.

That night I was introduced to Jimmy Buffet music and his blowing out his flip flops. I met an amazing dog (Toby) that would toss a tennis ball from the balcony right into your hand, I was given a tour of a great house on Washington Boulevard that had great potential but in January was a tad cold and I met my wonderful husband Ross.

I have to give Kathy much praise because if it wasn't for her I would not have this wonderful life I have had for the past 33 years.

Got to love old friends and cherish those friendships. They know you the best.

Laughter

Laughter.... Sparkles like a splash of water in sunlight

I saw this saying today as I was waiting to have a cat scan done and trying to drink this ungodly concoction. It reminded me that I needed to laugh and that laughter is such a healing element. The fact that this is anal cancer is just a big joke in itself. Dr I ( the oncologist) greeted us last week and said that this will be a great topic of conversations at cocktail parties. I can see my dear friends now making a list of butt jokes. Good thing my caboose is so cute or I would really take offense to it all.

I did mention to the surgeon that I should have used more sun screen. Not sure he found it funny but I did.

We did meet Dr G (the radiologist) yesterday and he has a pretty good sense of humor also. As he was describing how they get you ready for the radiation and he has to contort my body in different positions, I could see Ross' wheels turning and hoping he has enough good sense not to say anything at that moment. Dr G did come up with a new medical term that I think will be in the medical journals pretty soon. CHEMOY or CHEMOIE - how you feel a week after you have had chemo therapy. I think I can milk this for awhile and I want a T-shirt with "I am Chemoy" on it.

The plan is to enter the hospital on 9-27 and have radiation and chemo that week. Then the next 4 weeks I will receive radiation as an out patient. If my body can tolerate it then there is a possibility I could receive another round of chemo the last week of radiation. I figure I should be done the last week of October. Over and done with and ready for the holidays to spend time with my family and count my blessings.

Laugh today at yourself. It is certainly better than crying but if you need to then do that also. A good cry is very therapeutic also I think.

This is all new to me

Well .... this is a new experience and an intimidating one. But I felt it would be a healthy choice and that is really what this is about. Improving my health not just with diet but with healthy choices that I make everyday.

The catalyst to this blog was that on September 2nd, 2010 I was diagnosed with cancer. I have had some scares in the past but this one is a little more serious. The treatment will involve chemotherapy and radiation but very optimistic that it will be treated successfully. I am not writing this to tell all the gory details but to share the wonderful and golden moments that I have. From day one a friend reached out to me and shared the following:

"On the Sunday before my first hip replacement, and knowing what the next 6 months held in store, my religious leader gave me some counsel that I will never forget. He said that while the next while would be painful, exhausting, and may feel like it will never end, it would in fact end someday. The kind of person I wanted to be at the end of the ordeal was up to me. I could choose to suffer with a good attitude or a bad attitude, but I was going to suffer no matter what.

He told me that this was a time that I could teach my children how to endure while keeping strong in my faith. I could show my family that I didn’t necessarily like what I was going through, but that I could do it with the attitude of knowing that I was going through the refiner’s fire."

This sharing has set the whole tone for my recovery and this blog.

I had another friend and cancer survivor tell me she played "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor, everyday. That is a great song and I am playing it everyday. Another dear friend and survivor told me her motto was "This too Shall Pass". And she would know. Just love these ladies.

I also have to say I have a wonderful husband that said he would do anything that is necessary. including trying the Hallelujah diet. He said it made sense to him. I haven't checked it all out yet but I will and will talk about it here but my point is what this husband of 32 years would do for me. This diet is a plant based diet. NO MEAT!!, NO MAYONNAISE!!. For him to give theses things up it must be Love and dedication. Wow